Learning to Live after Loss

Before my husband and I were married we had talked about having children, one of whom we wanted to adopt.  With so many children without families, it made sense to us to grow our family in this way.  What we didn’t know was how it would happen, when it would happen, and the unusual circumstances that would impact our “family planning.â€

11 years ago we gave birth to our first son, Jared.  He was born healthy and full of life.  He is athletic, very sensitive to other people’s needs and feelings and an amazing big brother.

When Jared was two, we became pregnant with our second child, a girl this time.  I began having complications about 20 weeks for unknown reasons, and was transferred to a high-risk doctor for further testing and monitoring.  Each ultrasound showed that our daughter had less and less amniotic fluid around her, and my blood work came back “slightly abnormal.† At best, we didn’t know what might or might not happen, so we waited and prayed.  In the early morning hours of January 20th, 2001, I had an emergency C-section.  There was hardly any fluid in the amniotic sac and our baby girl was breech.  Unfortunately, she was sick and the doctors were trying to stabilize her most of the day.  After 13 hours of us holding her tiny hands, rubbing her tummy and praying for her, her Doctor told us it was only a matter of time before she would be gone.  We were given two choices:  let them keep her alive for as long as they could in the NICU, or disconnect her from all life-support so we could hold her for the first time before she took her last breath.  We know that she went to be with her Heavenly father while being held in the loving arms of her Earthly one.  Hailey lived less and 14 hours, but her short life has meant everything to us.