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Adoption Hard but Good

Adoption: Hard but Good

An Interview with Makenzie Kingsley, America World adoptive mom

India adoptionThe holiday season is an opportunity to look back and be thankful for the many blessings we have received, so we love when our families take a moment to reflect on their adoption stories for us. Below is an interview in which America World adoptive mom Makenzie Kingsley shares her family’s experience adding their son, Ro, to their lives in 2019.

How did you decide to adopt?

Ever since I was in elementary school, I have wanted to adopt. While the reasons why and what I wanted my family to look like have changed over the years, the desire to adopt never changed.

In college, when Weston and I started dating, I mentioned how this was really important to me, and he said he was game. When we were beginning the process of actually choosing between international, foster to adopt, and domestic, Weston was working for a Christian medical non-profit that worked in Africa. He worked with people from literally all over the world, and through this, we were drawn to international adoption specifically. Seeing the body of Christ as it looks in heaven, from every tribe, tongue, and nation, confirmed in us the desire to do international adoption.

Why did you choose India?

We knew we wanted to adopt from a country that was part of the Hague Convention, knowing then at least countries were trying to do things rightly. Our friends who were in the process at the same time were adopting from another country we were looking at, and I knew it would be hard to start the process at the same time and not compare timelines.

Then we started looking into India—it was part of the Hague Convention, and the overall timeline was shorter on average, the cost was about the same as other countries, and the statistic for the number of orphans in India is 4% of the child population. For a country as large as India, that’s a lot of kids who need homes. As we read and researched more and more, our hearts were drawn to India.

How did you decide to use America World?

Weston and I are Texas Aggies (whoop!), and for years, we have followed Jimmy and Kelly Needham on social media without ever meeting them. When we were looking at beginning the process, we had friends who were starting the process concurrently. The agency they chose to use and America World were our top contenders.

Then Kelly or Jimmy Needham posted about how much they loved using America World in their adoption process, and I thought, “Good enough reason as any. America World it is.”

I know it seems like a coin flip, but this really ended up being God’s hand in our choosing. During our process, the other agency we were looking at using had their India program closed, and all those people had to either switch to a different country or change agencies. In that, they lost months of time and thousands of dollars.

What was your experience in the adoption process?

When we started the adoption process, I told myself to take it slow. Get a little bit done every week. We jokingly say I did all the work, and Weston did the printing and signed where I told him to sign. If you look at everything that has to be done, every single check that needs to be sent and every form that has to be filled out, every interview, health check, etc., all at once, it’s daunting. Between America World and adoption Facebook groups I felt encouraged and ready to tackle each new document or training or whatever as they came up. We had friends who held garage sales for us, friends who donated toward our adoption, our church donated to us, and one friend renewed her Texas notary to notarize all of our documents free of charge.

Our adoption started in May 2017, and we traveled in March 2019. Twenty-two months felt right. Weston took a part-time job doing graphic and web design; I had two part-time jobs doing customer support and data technician stuff from home to help pay for the adoption. Everything felt doable, and our families and community came alongside us the entire way.

What was your experience with America World?

I am so incredibly grateful for America World. Weston started a new job while we were in the court process, we moved to a new city two weeks after we passed court, then traveled to India 3 weeks after moving. From the very start, I felt like we had a friend walking alongside us. Adoption is happy, sad, stressful, confusing, and joyful. Our social workers, our caseworker, and everyone else were so helpful. The people they have on the ground in the country made that process seamless.

We were constantly told, “Let me deal with ____. You just focus on bonding with your son.”

In a time where your emotions are all over the place, you have a new child who has no idea what is going on, and who these new people are, having someone do all the heavy lifting for you is such a blessing.

How were you matched with Ro?

The best part about being matched with Ro is that Weston and I were both sick with food poisoning, laying on the couch miserable, when we got the call from our case worker, Lisa. She called saying she had the file with for a 5-month-old boy who fit the medical needs we felt comfortable with. We sent Ro’s file to a doctor to look over, and after a lot of prayer and discussion of his file with the doctor, we said yes.

Through the adoption process, Lisa and our social worker emphasized being honest with yourself about the process and about the child’s file you receive. Personally, I was so nervous to feel obligated to say yes to a child, but I can honestly say it wasn’t that way. We both felt such a peace saying yes to being Ro’s mom and dad.

What has life been like since you returned home?

I’m so glad we adopted. I’d do it a thousand times over to bring Ro home.

Ro is named Devin Rohith Kingsley—Devin after a friend of mine who passed 10 years ago. I recently got to visit with her mom and joked that he’s really taken his namesake to heart because Ro has all the sass and attitude of my friend. But he also has her kind, generous, and helpful spirit.

Ro has been home for 5.5 years. I think one of the hardest things about adoption for us is you are constantly trying to figure out if an attitude or issue you’re having with your child is adoption-related or regular kid stuff. This was more me than Weston, but I came home and was just waiting for a shoe to drop—a new medical diagnosis, behaviors as we settled into a rhythm and everyone’s new normal, etc. We were trying to bond with this precious new child while also jumping right back into our lives.

Weston and I talked a lot about how we deeply loved Ro from the get-go, but in a different way. It was a love without any history. At the time, we had just one other child, a 3-year-old boy, and while you’re trying not to compare the feeling you have for one with the feeling you have for the other, it’s hard not to. While in India, Ro was terrified of Weston, so it was on me to hold him, put him to bed, feed him, etc. It hurt Weston to have his son not want him, and it hurt me to have the burden of caring for this 15-month-old put solely on me. We cried, we fought, we reconciled. It’s just a lot added to an already tough and exhausting time.

Ro sometimes mentions he wishes his skin wasn’t brown, but beige like ours. He wants to look like his family. We never want him to be sad or ashamed of being Indian, and the line between encouraging him to be Indian and being proud of it, but also not dismissing his feelings, can feel hard.

I can honestly say our life since being home has been really normal and good. Ro is a bright, kind, hilarious 7-year-old with a quick wit that he can use for good and bad. Since bringing Ro home, we’ve added two more biological kids to the mix, and I love seeing Ro be a big brother.

I don’t think we’ve really hit adoption-related challenges yet, but I know as he gets older, this can change. We are grateful for the community God has put us in here in Wichita Falls. When we moved here, we visited our friends’ church but said we would try other churches before just joining one. Then we visited their church, and they introduced and pointed people out to us. “This is so and so; they’re in the process of adopting. This is so and so; they’ve adopted two of their kids. This is so and so; they’re fostering to adopt.” It was a church that said they cared about orphans and meant it, without anything being a push from the church. Ro’s best friend is adopted. We have neighbors whose kids are adopted. A friend’s husband is Indian and has continually offered to talk about India and Indian things with Ro if he ever has questions. We couldn’t ask for a better community.

What advice can you give someone who is considering adoption?

Truly consider it. Sit on it, pray about it, talk about it. If you know people who have adopted, ask them if you can ask them questions. Ask the questions you’re afraid to ask. And if it’s where the Lord is leading you, do it. I know adoption is not for everyone. Scripture says we’re to take care of the widow and the orphan, and for some, that may mean adoption; for others, it may mean being respite care for fostering families; for others, it could be prayer and meals for new families. I don’t know what it looks like for you, but if you are considering it, take it seriously. It’s hard, but it is good.

 


 

We’re so grateful to Makenzie for sharing her family’s very real and beautiful story with us, and we are honored to be a part of bringing Ro home to them.

What about YOU?

Have you been considering adoption but haven’t taken the first step?

  • Our Learn About Adoption page is a great place to start!
  • You can also visit our India adoption program page to learn more about adopting from Ro’s birth country.
  • Due to country requirements, our Waiting Child Photolistings don’t show any of the children available for adoption from India, but you can see profiles of just a few of the children from other countries who need homes. (Many more than we have time and resources to highlight also wait!)

If you can’t adopt, you can always help make adoption possible for other families. Our Season of Hope matching grant gives you a chance to DOUBLE the impact you can make on the life of a child.

As Makenzie says, caring for the widow and orphan looks different for everyone, so we encourage you to take the tug on your heart seriously—whatever it may be leading you to do.

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